The rest of elementary school I found myself the target of a bully. I guess I was a pretty easy target as lucky me got acne in grade six. I remember often coming off the bus crying as the whole bus ride home I would be made fun of.
I was lucky to meet an amazing person who I am still friends with to this day; without her I don't know how I would have survived elementary school. Her and I just clicked right away and did pretty much everything together.
By the time I reached high school, I had low self-esteem and thought no boy could ever like me because I believed I was ugly. I put on a brave face but felt insecure and depressed inside. My friend was the opposite of me, she was outgoing, social and confident.
My low self-esteem made me an easy target to get involved in an abusive relationship. At the time being fourteen, I was just excited that a boy liked me, as I didn't believe that was possible. He made me feel special and I didn't see all his attention was a negative thing.
He would wait for me in between classes so he could walk me to my next class. If he saw me talking to another boy, he wanted to know who he was and if I liked him. I started to be late to some of my classes as he would corner me in the hallway and not let me pass. He wanted my attention all the time. To this day I have a hard time allowing anyone to touch my neck because it reminds me of this boy. He used to walk with his hand gripped around the back of my neck, felt like a death grip, that I had no control of where I was allowed to go.
Looking back it is easy to say I should have seen this coming but being young and naive I was oblivious. One day we were hanging out at his house and hanging out in his room. He had told me he wanted to have sex with me and I told him I didn't want to. He then proceeded to sexually assault me. After he was done, I got up and left. I felt like I was in a daze and not in my own body. I didn't tell anyone for a long time. I thought I did something wrong and was embarrassed. I tried to break up with the boy but he told me he would kill himself so I stayed.
What made me finally know I needed help in breaking up with him was he threatened to harm my brother. I guess my brother said something to him about how he was treating me and told him to back off. His threat scared me, as I knew he was capable of violence. I told my parents that this boy wouldn't leave me alone and the police got involved and told him to leave me alone. Why I never told my parents or police what he did to me, I am not sure. I remember a voice in my head that just kept saying don't tell anyone.....I found out later on where this voice was coming on and why my reaction was to remain silent.